its.me.alone

2009-10-25T04:55:00.003+08:00

I'm caught between what you wanted from me,
and I know if I give that to you I might just disappear.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing.
It's like one step forward and two steps back.
No matter what I do I can't change your mind.
It's like trying to turn around on a one way street.
I can't give you what you want and it's killing me.
And I, I'm starting to see maybe we're not meant to be.

It's never enough to say I love you,
it's never enough to say I try.
It's hard to believe that's there's no way out for you and me
and it seems to be, the story of our life.

Is there's still time to turn this around?
Should we be building this up instead of tearing it down.
I keep thinking.

so why don't u teach me.
what i need to do to revive this.

2009-10-24T20:25:00.000+08:00

this pain.

2009-09-20T18:34:00.001+08:00

becuz i just feel worse as each day goes by..

2009-09-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

i can never get out of this.

2009-09-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

i wanna win this battle.
but. i know im losing myself.
hais.

2009-08-26T01:54:00.000+08:00

we took one step forward,

and two steps back.

fml.

2009-08-25T02:03:00.000+08:00

in such great pain..
but ily.

2009-07-25T01:49:00.002+08:00

june 5 is the last post! omg.
fking long nv blog then.
busy like dk what seriously.
i need a break.
a real good break.
to stay home and roll on my bed doing nth. and sleep sleep sleep.
okay, plus a bit of exercising. LOL.
my back is breakinggggggg btw. :x

nth much to update anyways.
just busy with sch and work and work.
holding a 7 day work week now. as in everyday got things to do!
i dont even have time for myself liddat.

well, many changed.
i changed too i guess.
but perhaps expected.
too tired to think anyway.

just hope everyone will be happy. :)

2009-06-05T22:57:00.001+08:00

too many things. running thru..

or maybe just one....

2009-06-01T22:19:00.002+08:00

becuz how many of us can look back in our lives
and see no regret in it?
i cant.
and not for anyone else. but solely me.

2009-05-21T22:19:00.000+08:00

perhaps, the selfishness got better of me.
i nvr tot i am such.
i nvr tot of what i put u thru.
i nvr tot..
and becuz i nvr tot.
agony i put u and myself thru.

now, i think im not good enough, for you.
sorries.

apologies dont work after the damage. i know.
but im not gg to run away too.

2009-05-21T01:14:00.002+08:00

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise

i wonder, how to make u understand.

2009-04-22T01:44:00.001+08:00

well, just thinking that maybe i shud blog.
because ppl miss me. those stalkers. LOL!
but i got nth much to blog. life's ~~pretty~~ VERY boring.

cant sleep at night!!!
this is disastrous, then i no energy for the day. then i go home early to sleep.
then i wake up ard 12mn or earlier. then go online. then cant sleep again.
well, nvr go online also cant sleep.

hais~
so bored lor.
pls spice up my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeee. with things i like. hahaha.

1st day of school, lesson's cancelled.
waste my cab money. LOL.
i shud stop spending unnecessary money seriously.

tmr lesson's at 9am. i wonder if i can make it on time.
i needa sleep, else i'll sleep staring at the screen tmr.
worst part, ends at 6pm!! then gotta meet meet fren for bday celebration.
im gg to head home early. dont careeeeee.

okay, im getting abit sleepy.
need to try sleeping le. (:

2009-04-13T23:47:00.002+08:00

im blogging!!!!

Wanted to blog earlier on de. but fell aslp. and woke up eat le meet ml for a short catch up..
i sleep for abt 12 hours today!!!! finally man.. still feel kinda sian. as in my mood.
anyway,

TIMETABLE IS OUT!!!!!
MONDAY IS FREE.
BUT. WEDNESDAYS IS HEAVY AS USUAL.
VERY HEAVY. MAYA ROOM.
OKAY, TUES AND WED BOTH MAYA ROOM.
AND TUES IS DMT LESSON! 1ST DAY OF THE WEEK LEH.
CANNOT START OFF BETTER MEH.. :(
PLUS, THERE'S NO NG'S LESSON!!!
BUT 2 DMT!! ONE AT WED AFTERNOON!!
I HOPE I WILL BE ATTENDING SCHOOL REGULARLY.
AS IN NOT BECUZ OF THE LECTURER, BUT THE LESSON.

SCH STARTS AT 9AM ON WED AND THURS.
ENDS AT 6 AND 4.
SO THE 4 DAYS END AT 4,6,4,3 AND STARTS AT 12,9,9,10..
HAISS HAISS HAISSSSSSSSSSS.
IM SO SIAN. ALTHOUGH IT GIVING ME STH TO DO.
SINCE FEB SLACK TILL NOW.
REALLY CAN DIE. HAAAIII

anyway, really bored.
need to look for some fun.
healthy fun. no nightlife.
i need traditional happiness.
okay. that all. i also forgot wat i wanna say alrdy.

2009-04-12T21:09:00.001+08:00

finally ended my work.
the world have slowed down that instance.
i swear i feel like sleeping there.
but im dont wanna stay there any longer too.
sales was bad thru out the daysss anyway. felt so stress.
not driven to work at all. maybe the environment and the ic.

now im lying on my bed.
i feel like sleeping...
but i have to go out again i think.. meet colleagues.
if they call it off, probably i'll meet my dearests if i nvr fall asleep. haha.

hais.
i miss a feeling.
but im not too sure whats that exact feeling im missing..

1 week time, sch's gonna start.
anyway, timetable is not up yet.
i wonder what the school is doing man.
or i was not enrolled. zzz
suddenly, im not into gg back school le.
but definitely not into work also.
with this half year....
i dont really wanna holiday also..
so irritating..

haissss.
with so many things happening,
and so many things not happening...

kinda back to the not so playful me...

okay, i dunno what else to write abt my boring life le.
that's all for the update to feed the people who are hungry for my post. LOL.

2009-04-08T03:49:00.001+08:00

cant seem to sleep unless its 5am.

damnnnnnnnn.

hais. need help hereeee.

not you.

2009-03-31T00:41:00.000+08:00

argh.
CRAP!
damn CRAP!!!!

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

2009-03-31T00:09:00.002+08:00

life is getting sucky..
very..

and this post.

2009-03-29T00:26:00.002+08:00

my life would suck without you.
but now it leaves me in pain too.

i know i would still be that loser.
its the date

2009-03-27T23:56:00.001+08:00

hais.
basically, down with sickness for past few days and din go out..
but still it din recover and got worse!!
but today.. still okay la. seem to be better. seem to be. dammmmnnnnn.
hais.

and my macbook died!!!
:( x 10000000000000000000000
everything confirm chop chop will be gone after i send for service. arghhhhhhh.

hais.
haircut soon. actually i tues want go. then drag, wed. then drag, thurs. then today, nv go still. tmr and sun working. maybe monday. so sick of my hair. haisssssssssss.

damn sian. i prefer weekdays more. minus my mom's nagging pls of cuz. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i like quiet and peace.

2009-03-23T10:53:00.001+08:00

i need more than just some motivations.
damn it. life is damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn boring.
i need to find some healthy things to do man..

arghhhhhssss.
go cook breakfast le. bye.

2009-03-18T14:00:00.001+08:00

unlike me.

2009-03-15T00:29:00.002+08:00

is a change coming in me?.
is it?.

arghhhhhh.
my voice is bad.
i cant slp.
im tired.
im thinking of alot alot alot things.
i need some understanding.
i wanna slp..
i thinking is what i thinking others thinking.
i wonder wat can i do.
i fuckingggggggggggg siannnnnnnnnnn.
i need a long long resttttt...
i ...
and i ...

i think i can get really random.
as in reallyyy random.
zzzz

i need some help here.
who?
anyone?

call me.
but not tmr. not the day after tmr. not the day the day...

arghhhhhhhhh.
needa close my eyes.

2009-03-14T08:38:00.001+08:00

did this again since im bored.
and thinking.
why is this time round so hard..

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx if u all like anyway.

2009-03-14T08:23:00.001+08:00

i dunno why i so no mood. seriously.
like fuck only..
i think i lack sleep. damn it.

2009-03-05T12:55:00.000+08:00

mistakes is common in life.
for me, its a everyday thing.

2009-03-04T03:51:00.000+08:00

my blog is back!
im happy, i know some ppl are happy with me as well.. but idk who either. =/

i dont know what to write also.
had alot to write few days back, but this blog got 'frozen'.

this minute, i guess i just wanna get drunk.
recently booze is everything on my mind.
or perhaps not. cuz i know after i wake up,
everything is not gonna change.

and getting drunk might leave me worse.
since its not courage i lack, its time, its opportunity, or it just me.
i need you, but how?
.. to make myself happier?

in any case, i wanna get drunk at a safe place, as in i can sleep peacefully. hahaha. very annoying if i know people is watching me or sth you know.. tsk.
but firstly please all help to drunk me. zzz.

i'm slacking everyday. dont bother asking me out, cuz im pure lazy, or i dunno why. just take it as im lazy. only have to meet those i alrdy gave my word to that i meeting them.

hais. i think im gg to sleep. or i shud get more from my fridge. =/

well, i think this is not getting me anywhere.
good night everyone, or good morning if u like.

2009-02-19T15:51:00.001+08:00

you know exactly how free i am when i blog everyday.
dunno how long such thing never happen already..
this freedom is killinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

actually i shud just go work.
i dont know what's stoping me seriously.
arghhhhhhhh. siannn siannn siannnn!!!

see i dont even have anything interesting thing to blog!!!
arghhhhhhhhhhh.. hais.

i need someone. :(

2009-02-18T13:22:00.001+08:00

sigh.
seriously i feel my life very boring.
guess its the holidays.
plus consecutively 2days i 4am then reach home or sure also is late late one.
really abit sian. my mama also nag nag.

wanna go work. but then think think le, sian again.

now caught in the middle. how middle i dunno. but i not gg move le.
whatever you all want. just take. until i cant take it ba.

hmm. realise my driving really dangerous these days somehow. guess cuz...
but anyway still safe enough to keep the lives la. if anyone after reading this still wanna sit my car, feel free. lol.

hais. im really bored!
i got events lined up during holidays le. but then like all sticking together de timing. will tired me out.
i wanna get tired so i wont have time to think, but i hate it when im tired and dont get enough sleep. how ironic.

HAIS~~

2009-02-16T00:59:00.002+08:00

im here becuz....
instant noodles sucks.
hahaha.
i think my mouth become more and more picky le.
damn. having too much good food lately.
hahaa.

basically.
TOMORROW IS MY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR THIS SEMESTER!

and im here to haolian.

no lah.

but i realise i haven been working.
and the balance in my bank is depleting. hahaha.
i gonna find a way to lock it. LOL.

i haven been staying at home long.
i haven watch many shows.
i haven slack enough.
i haven many many things!!!!

so.... stop saying i very busy...
and once i stop busying,
its gonna be harder to find me.
haha.

seriously. how can instant noodle taste so bad to me now when its like one of the best food 10 years ago?.
hahahaha.

dunno why my itunes shuffling keep playing those high high or hip hop song. haha.

2009-02-14T02:38:00.001+08:00

weak.

dont guess

2009-02-11T19:47:00.002+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
tiredddddddddddddd.
yawnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
boreddddddddddddd.
haissssssssssssssssss.

my brain is not functioninggggggggggggg.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2009-02-07T15:31:00.001+08:00

i need to find thing to do.
seriously.
but i got many many many thing to do.
but..
dont have the thing i want to do.

unspoken.

2009-02-01T22:38:00.003+08:00

i swear.

i want to have more fun.
i want to have more time.
i want to have more rest.
i want feel better.
i want more life.
i dislike many many pple.
i have bad temper.
i have attitude problem at times.
i hate my life.
i'm weak; physically, mentally.
i want to think in the correct way.
i want to be ~~happier~~ happy.
i want to be able to be happy
i want to work harder.
i want to change.
i want to be a better person.
i want to show more emotions.
i want to close my eyes and forget abt all this...

just that bit. i lack.

2009-01-12T22:36:00.002+08:00

really in the 'stay at home' kinda mood recently..
really tired.. really lazy..
pon-ed too many school..
miss-ed too many assignments..
now must must must go.. must must must do...
sian lo.. must must must try to go work also.. hmmm. busy!
cny coming.. but still not in the mood yet..
atmosphere is weak.. very weak. except for the goodies on my house de table. zzz. hahaha.

rahhhhhhh. writer's block..
i got nth to write.. just plain bored.

2009-01-08T22:46:00.002+08:00

been moodless.. for anything, everything..
been lifeless... for everything..
arghhhhh.
not been gg work..
i foresee a lousy pay slip..
not been gg sch..
i foresee a lousy result slip..

and damn sway nowadays.
damn damn sway..
haissssssss~~

i'm dying.. and dunno wat to do..
dunno wat i wanna do..
lazy and bored.

2009-01-05T02:30:00.000+08:00

HELLO!!!
LIYING!
BLEAH!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

2009-01-01T03:11:00.002+08:00

okay. i noe its been long since i post.
its bad. so, to mark the 1st day of my 2009,
im gonna blog. finally.

before the resolutions of mine for 2009,
i think, i wanna thank everyone who made my 2008 worthwhile, meaningless, better or worse than ever. :)
its been a year of ups and downs once again.
im glad i pull thru-ed somehow, though not perfectly.
i love the company of my family, though they make me angry all the time.
i love the company of my frens, all those that i spend time with, and all those i dont have time for. but, u know i. :)

turning TWENTY soon.
real soon. its bad. VERY VERY BAD.
im so old alrdy..so too many things. hais.
sometimes i thinking what is it that is really most impt in my life lo.

also, a good news for perhaps everyone,
i m not gg to smoke liao. hopefully.
well, at least this min i have this tot.
im gg to say NO. (im praying hard, temptations everywhere all around!)
at least, it might succeed and never if i dun even say this.

im finally gg to get back my car perhaps a few days later, FINALLY! YAY!!
but again, i decid to be a good KID in 2009. (:
meaning staying at home more often.
be it sleeping or helping out. =/
helping out, chinese new year soon u know? :)
okay, hopefully, at least the 1st 3 months. =x

haha. and many many things, but im not gg to blog down u see.
because somethings i also not very sure. haha!.
not gg to say too much alrdy. still got many things to do!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

2008-12-06T13:03:00.001+08:00

restricted.....
hais.............

2008-11-04T22:51:00.001+08:00

i wont live to see another day.
sickness are killers.
regrets too.

i swear i aint strong.

2008-10-31T03:38:00.000+08:00

falling apart.
that same old fucked up feeling.
fuck

2008-10-30T03:33:00.003+08:00

i was thinking.
i probably shud update.
but i got nth pretty much to update.
or TOO MUCH to update.
for the blank is tooooo long.

well, im like a smoke machine nowadays.
and its getting worse. seriously.

2008-08-13T21:06:00.002+08:00

HMMM!

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

very guilty of these results. maybe u all can try too.
try only once bah.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
i hyperlink for u all can!

2008-08-13T21:05:00.001+08:00

oh ya. i do the other updates maybe tmr.
hmmmm.
and be starting another project sooon.
still planning.
and that she replied me.
hahahahas. but...
quote from above test.
"You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style."
so pls. dear frens. trust me.

got mood then update bah.

2008-08-12T21:22:00.002+08:00

hais.
i think human heart is ugly.
so scary.
everyone. tsk.
i need some time. hmmmmmm.

anyway, i fell sick.
feeling damnnnnnn bad.

and so sad.
cuz i dunno is that number real or not! tsk
but 21 again. zzzzz

2008-08-11T23:01:00.002+08:00

break.
but not a single feeling of it yet.
complexity.
perhaps how i can explain.

and on this wide earth with so many people.
no one understands.
that sth thats felt.
and the harm it has alrdy caused.
even unintentionally.

what i want or need wont be fulfilled.
by what u think is sufficient to me.
its more than what meets the eye.
cuz its the heart that's feeling.

voice?
well, i din wan to make my life so.
go on.

2008-08-05T23:57:00.002+08:00

sometimes.
i think..
why am i like that.
and like. why cant i change.
why cant my 'good' be consistent.
afterall its for myself.
i know i shuden be liddat.
but just no motivation. idk why.
and this shud change, totally.
but im not very or at all driven most of the time.

im tired, but i dunno what am i tired abt.
cuz i did nth most of the time.
so, i know. its just an excuse.
damn it. hais.

sorry to all friends who are really concern abt me,
and my well being.
its great for u all to be ard.
u all know who u are, those who 'scolded' me, 'pulled' me, 'dragged' me, guided me, helped me and been very extremely patience with me even though my attitude is very very bad.
i know it all. i've been bad.
a big thankyou.

2008-07-30T00:23:00.001+08:00

can u let me off?.

but i have no legs to run.

dilemma

...

2008-07-28T16:31:00.003+08:00

i have about THREE days.
or even less.

to complete:

maya environment. (at least 2 buildings, modeling, lightings, textures, etc.)

motion graphic thingy. (its a longer list, i dunno i in charge of what. =x )

post-production ( i think i will try to finish it tmr in class. =/ )

production planning. ( this one ah! die! harry potter. gosh. i nvr touch it for weeks again. better start again. still got alot paper work. tues must start. but maya comes 1st)

I&E ( i haven do ALOT of the online things. but i think i dragging it. hahaas)

camera and lighting effects. ( im lucky i not very much involve in post production of it. but prepared to help out anytime.its like over the weekends to brush up everything. so not that jia lat.)

basically! after this friday, im 50% freeman.
but. wat lies before me is. ALOT.
but..

i only feel like sleeping now. hahahaahs!

2008-07-27T01:55:00.003+08:00

to find someone who u love, or to love; can be a bliss.

well, i guess im missing out this part pretty much recently.

im so tired. but guess im gg to start working again.
i seriously think there's sth very wrong with me and the month august.
like 3years going into 4 years straight things have been happening. zzz

i dun have much to update also.
just breathing air everyday.
slp and eat and rot and grew horizontal. =x
bad. very bad. stopping these. hopefully.

arghhh. i try to make myself slp.
ytd fell asleep at a very wrong time.
damn. but, its over. i guess.

2008-07-25T00:18:00.002+08:00

my words have no legs to run to u.
its been so long i said sth to u.

im too busy, or perhaps that's an excuse.
but. i did seriously miss u.

being packed tightly for one week made me skipped sch today.
and i might get debarred for missing it.
anyway everything wun slow down their pace.

two more weeks till i can be less busy. i hope.
im losing strength to continue sometimes.
too many stuffs. and im a loser. =/
no more time to play, to have fun, to talk bad.

i think im really childish afterall. (okay, i know it all the while)
but i really did alot reflections recently.
but also kinda pointless. since i wun really express myself.

just hope everything goes fine.
think i'll let myself rest instead.
i need sth to recharge myself.
but i cant find any.

i hope i can jia you.

you too. jia you..

2008-07-20T00:37:00.000+08:00

losing sleep at a very wrong time.

getting complicated.
yet its that simple.

no help.
no need.

2008-07-17T21:47:00.002+08:00

im gonna lose a few kgs again i think..
at this rate. headache and dun feel like eating.
sound so unlike me.

then also, busied with sch work.
is really busy. but i somehow like the busy-ness.
sound so unlike me again, i know.

im going to work.
sound unlike me again?

well.
i have to go do my school work now.
yea. and u all think this is not me.
i think so too.

revoked pain.

2008-07-14T22:55:00.002+08:00

felt bloggy. hahaha. so came here.

so tired.
my life is so different now.
and i asked some questions constantly.
but yet again, reluctant to answer them.

hais.

i think i can speak more abt school.
basically that's wat abt me recently. zzzz.
not into after effects nowadays cuz creativity juice is hard to manufacture in my brain.
prod plan also. i got no that very organized personality.
post prod getting worse as i spend lesser and lesser time to edit it. but.. still will finish it.
maya, well, doing more?. i stil cannot believe i actually do so much of the homework that i can 'dream' of it. my lecturer shud really be proud man.
camfx i still alrite. as long as, work can be done. hmmmm.
sighs. then i and e. well. till then.

which reminds me, rain quitting his job on 25th.
today i still thinking to keep longer hair.
then he just called me and ask me when go cut. zzz
i jokingly say he want quit le ah, in the end really...
but for a better prospect at town so alright la.
must start from scratch again. but perhaps its worth it.

i feel like writing longer. trust me. haha.
but i dun see why i shud write that long to turn ppl off by wordy blog.
so.

BYE

2008-07-13T01:22:00.002+08:00

is this the beginning or beginning of the end?

done workS, slpt late, wake up early, go out, came back late, cant slp. =x
sighs.
describe my life recently. BUSY!
nono, is TIRED!

damn. its weekends. but still got so many stuffs stacking up.
august 8 is soooooooooooooooo far away!

may i have 48hours a day?. or give me 10 days a weeks.

if u wanna try.
ido.

2008-07-10T22:43:00.000+08:00

hello da jia.

ytd was sharon's birthday. had a ~~small~~, tiny celebration with her.
quite pathetic to me, but she say its alrite. =)
HAPPY 19th BURSTDAY! =) haha

then..
when i came back here, then i realised, i still haven reach my 8 cups a day.
but got 4 cups la. i bring water bottle to sch lehs okay. drink plain water.
let see how long i survive in this. hahahahs.
but i got eat healthier la. more or less. =S
but i really din smoke. the more u want to quit. u keep thinking of it u noe. tsk tsk tsk.
but slp and excercise jiu.. have to wait weekends?.
so packed everyday! damn.

sighs. why is holiday taking so longgggggggggggggggg.
but holiday i gg to work. like, full time. for $$$.
hahas. just got these tots recently.
then most ppl cant find me again..

and projects bombed again.
god please please please bless me.
and i really not in any good temper recently.
hais.
busy. i dun like to be so busy.
cant even slp enough. damn.

ARGHhhhhhhhh.
sian-ed
i dun feel like doing my work. =x

i wonder, but im busy.

2008-07-09T12:17:00.000+08:00

okay ppl.

i 'set' my mind on something.
to get a healthier me.
so you people can see me live longer. but...
is soooo funny.

here..

i've decid to drink at least 8 cups of water daily.
(used to be drink 10 cups during secondary days. now i like drink 1 or 2 cups daily only. and i mean all liquids i consumes add up to 2 cups. -.-" )

STOP smoking.
(yes, i see ppl clapping. so every one pls try to stop me from even social smoking)

increase my freaking blood count. =(
thus, i will eating more or wat i shud be eating. which, actually i eating all the time. so i dun understand either. zzz.
but i cant run away from milo and orange juice le. and no coffee and tea. but i dun drink those also la. unless, lemon tea! which i guess. *guilty*

excercise more often. now this is funny.
but guess, it means im gg to workout more.

SLEEP MORE! shud i include this?. hahahas. i actually do need it.

please remind me, for those i see more often.

hais.
time is never enough recently. from now.
i have lesson from 1 to 5.
then meet manlin them.
till night, cannot slp. must do homework.
( trust me i will still slp WITHOUT doing)
then next day morning lesson.
afternoon help manlin on the stall( shud be)
then evening meet angie.
then friday morn gotta go sch.
and is kelson's bday chalet?

which also reminds me, i haven get back to wl.
i having difficulties to get back to ppl nowadays. =x

okays.
my headache is here again.
bye humans.

2008-07-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

the last post was nice rite!
=x

okays, anyway, im very tired.
do a short blog and i shall go sleep.
if i can. hais.
just here to 'complain' the unfairness. LOL.

today tuesday le. so soon. i gg to have a very very very busy week. sighs.

sunday went bugis with my dearest bro! went to walk walk. then as i sorta dunno wat to get her for her bday, so treated her to eat instead =) was very nice whenever im with her. =) GAN DONG!!

ytd went vivo with wh and imelda. fun.. lol. imelda really funny. went there to get sharon's present la. less than 24 hours she will recieve it. so its okay to say. and tmr night i meeting them again. with lot more ppl.

today, went vivo again! with angie. cuz gg shopping. which spells the unfairness! becuz i suppose to get more things then her but in the end i got nth except food! and she got her some of her stuffs. at least sth lo. sian. hais.
then i ate ice cream, was so sad that i took this,
cuz i really nvr get anything else! except dinner and this! sighs to the max.

and for her..
unfair!!

hais. okay la. just complaining cuz i said i will complain.

and im lazy to continue bloggin abt anything.

zong zhi, till saturday, i will be fully fully fully packed. everynight. and morning is sch. &^#$%^&*( 1 more month to holiday! =(

2008-07-07T23:27:00.002+08:00

At some point, we are single. And it’s good to be single, for this is a time we get in touch with ourselves. Ideally, we find our centre, we reconnect with ourselves and with our friends. We revisit our goals and dreams and chart out how we envision our life path to be. And then we set out on our journey to strive for what we aim to achieve.

We feel happy. We feel contented hanging out with friends and being by ourselves. We may even reach a point where we decide we are happy singles, and we seem to be more suited to be singles, for that’s when we are constantly in touch with ourselves, and we do not lose our identity and self-worth over anyone. We are loved – by our family, friends and God (if you have a religion) – and we are doing well in our career.

But is it really so? Or do you think there’s a possibility that subconsciously, you are just afraid to be in another relationship? I think it’s a really fine line. I have come across many people who have been single for a rather long time (2 yrs or more) and they start to get so used to the single life, that unknowingly they develop fear of being part of a couple. They begin to question how is it like to be attached, what do they have to do, what do they need to give up or compromise. They then start to feel they are not ready to be attached, when actually they are, but are just afraid to be in a relationship. They forget how to relate.

Some extricate themselves from their previous relationships with so much baggage that it takes them years to oscillate back to equilibrium. While they are searching or waiting for the time to be “neutral”, they are constantly afraid -- afraid of the old issues cropping up. Out of fear, they start searching for the other containing characteristics from the opposite spectrum, completely opposite that of their ex’s. They think they are ready, but they are not. Their choices very likely fall within the category of being “extreme” and “unlike them”.

Others find themselves in the comfort “single” zone that they can’t help but see a relationship as something that will be a risky investment. They become fearful of taking risks, of following their heart, of the unknown, of investing time and feelings in someone, of sacrificing for someone.

That is not to say those who have been single for many years are just afraid to be attached. I’m sure there is an equal proportion out there who enjoy being single simply because it suits their life priorities and that they haven’t met the right girl. I’m sure when they come across someone suitable and it’s a mutual like for each other, they won’t hesitate to give their best shot to this new relationship.

I admire those who are able to hold out until they are certain they have found someone whom they truly want to be with, rather than jump into one relationship after another because they either have no courage to be single (and this want companionship) or they short-change themselves and settle for less simply because they want to be attached (thus being attached for the sake of being attached). These are the ones who will be able to find themselves during this period of time while ensuring that they lead a happy, meaningful and fulfilled life.

Thus to the singles out there, please do enjoy your freedom, your time and single-hood. Be clear about what you want in someone before getting yourself into a relationship. Don’t be afraid to face your own issues and fears. Know why you face certain fears or have certain issues. Self-awareness is the first and largest step towards self-healing, and towards building a stronger mental and emotional you, a more confident you who won’t allow herself to be stepped all over like a doormat. Keep your mind open to knowing more and different types of people to allow you to understand better what you can or cannot accept, and what traits you desire in someone. And when you reach this stage will you be a truly happy person, regardless if you are single or attached.

2008-07-07T23:17:00.002+08:00

im sooooo tired.

I wont see you tonight
so I can keep from going insane.

Cause it's hard for me to lose
In my life I've found only time will tell
And I will figure out that we can baby
We can do a one night stand, yeah

2008-07-02T21:16:00.003+08:00

i looked at my calendar,
it says, "no sleep for you tonight"
yes, gonna chiong work again.
every wed is the same cuz of thurs.
sighs.

the sem gg to end, so means i will be busier each day so much, that i will wanna go out more, then i die when its deadline. self-discipline comes in the picture. but apparently i dont seem to have any. zzz.

and i gotta listen to daniel powter's bad day over and over again, cuz doing music video production of it. and its like trying to make my day worse. :(

i started thinking what's the traits of the girls i like, then i came to a "conclusion" HAHA.
(not in sequence?)
1. Smile/laughter, which ever u call it.
a confident smile, a warm smile, a 'melts me' smile, etc.. :)
a 'i dunno how to explain' kind of laughter. =DDDD i just know is which kind.
hahahas.

2. CHARACTER!
sooooooooooooooooooooo obvious sth i go after.
things like.. straightforwardness,
smart yet stupid, strong but weak. oops.
hmmm. unknown confidence or independent yet still not that independent.
not over-powering? okay, i 'admit' i 'like' to be under power. =/
small women not for me. =x
but i wanna to understand me though, if possible.
just be at the right kind at the right time. LOL.
hard to explain lehs. hmmm.

3. others like, i also dunno, but i noe i dunnit a pretty face or a gorgeous body to attract my attention. its always the character, and the killer smile. lol. its the feeling. the .... hmmm. im loss for words. just feelings.
chemistry and not physics. ;)

and i stop thinking... hahas..
just being random..

if anyone sees anyone like this, pls give HER my number. =)
alternatively, u can give me HER number.
haahahs.

alrights, i think i got one that fits in the picture now, but.
its too far away. and if i didnt die tmr.

okay, i have to go have war with harry potter.
take care everyone.

imsorry.

2008-06-30T23:08:00.001+08:00

close my eyes.

2008-06-29T23:46:00.002+08:00

i just came out from my shower.
i smell better than u!
hahas.

alrites. actually im not happy at all. :(
and my hand feels ssoooo rough. =x

had a nice 'workout' at the bball court just now.
but competitive game still not really for me. hmmm.

i have lessons at 8am tmr! and i haven done the 'hmwk' for the lessons. both of the lessons! zzz
sighs.

i have hard time recalling wat i did for each day, seriously.
and i dont really remember which day is which. from fridays onwards.

i think i slept whole of friday since i reach home. and out for the whole of sat till today morning. and sleep again. then ball-ed just now. is the sleeping that messes up my time-consciousness bah. nvr slp when i shud and slp when i shuden. hais.

HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE THE REMAINING DAYS?!
before this sem ends, dont worry, im not saying im gg to die.
omg?

distance.
does that make fond?

2008-06-27T23:02:00.001+08:00

is there gonna be help?

'idk' how many times.

2008-06-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

okay, im bored.
and i cant slp.
becuz i slpt too much jus now i think.
just tired.
tot tmr dun have to go sch, can rest or wat.
in the end, must go. and its not gg to end early!.
gotta do BN and AE somemore. sighs..
zzzzzzzzz.

so bored, so tired.
of these.
seriously i need a job also.
to get money and my time spent properly.
but. hard. hard.
hahahas.

WHEN ARE MY HOLIDAYS COMING?!
.... i know the break just ended.
but i want holidays!! sian-ed.

i feel so much like staying at home lately. just to slp or wat i dun care.
and go out still alrite, but go sch.... :(

hais hais hais.
wat's the use.....

i hope u'll be not so busy soon
cuz u're really cold.

2008-06-25T23:53:00.003+08:00

~~she who misses me when she's lonely.~~
she who i misses and feels lonely.
she who never misses me and never seems lonely.
=(

i gg crazy.
i survived my sch so far.
but i noe white flag is soon to be up.
tmr, perhaps another.
im tired.

been pretty strong in my tots recently,
no worry frens, im not changing my stand.
just felt dishearted. maybe. ahhhhhhh.
i just need a good long rest.
and things shud stop getting messier.

i need understandings.
im 'annoyed'

那些美好的画面反复在播送
但心破碎了之后要怎么去拼凑
只怪那一刻话说得太重
所有的情节都失控
怎么也戒不掉你独特的笑容

:baby
love can be so beautiful

of all the things that are amazing,
you have it; in ur smiles.
everything.
baby

2008-06-24T16:22:00.001+08:00

333th post!
listening to: lu tai wan by wilbur
okay random.

im so bored!
glad im home early.
but i noe tmr sure die, esp thurs.
but im soooo tired to care.

later still gotta go clarke quay.
tired!!!

i'll come back later. hahahas.
sleepy

2008-06-23T00:18:00.002+08:00

tell me how can i help u. how?
cuz apparently, seeing things this way is really making me 'annoyed'.
i shud leave u alone, some space. or perhaps plenty.
then how i do prove it?. i need alot of tots, again.

i miss you without any intention other than realizing your importance.

2008-06-22T21:29:00.002+08:00

i spent some time thinking.
seriously. that it seems ive never been that serious for sooo long.
im thinking abt so much thing, that i think the burden is too much.
but, its working. perhaps even better this way.

almost overslept and to forget today's gathering.
i seriously forgot. from ytd tiring day =x
went to fish & co.
nth much for today except things kept running thru my mind.
someone. and not that one.

plans are coming up in my life.
lets see how it will go.
nth to change on other's tots.
just mine, totally.

we cant force sths isn't it?.

and. its time for change.
again.

2008-06-21T23:01:00.003+08:00

im so fulfilled. hahas.
cuz i completed the race.
the only 3 teams who completed.
and i lost my place at the last min. suppose to come in 2nd!
angry can. but. nvm.
trying hard to get over it.
anyway we were last few at 1st.
really chiong. zzz

hais.
and its the last day left.
im left with script breakdown. like wtf.
bluenose editing. OMG. hais
motiongraphic storyboard.
MAYA! faints.

die lo. i better stick my ass at home tmr.
and my leg is aching.
like hell.
but its been long i done so much exercise.
good thing!

somethings.well.
somethings.
hmmmm!
ssssshhhh

2008-06-20T20:55:00.001+08:00

I WANT TO PRAWN!!
HAIS!

2008-06-19T23:26:00.001+08:00

FED-UP NESS

2008-06-19T22:55:00.002+08:00

moving on is simple, it's what u leave behind that makes it so difficult.

life~

school is so gg to start.
and i really slack my two weeks away.
i managed to skip sch again.
my post production= 20% done.
DIE ~~PRETTY PRETTY~~ UGLY UGLY
overslpt for discussion day also. =x

hais.
but shall not think abt it. tmr then think.
monday then think.

gg prawning later.
and tmr gotta reach sch at 9am.
so means. ive decid that i shall not slp.
how u think it's possible?. LOL.
but tmr diedie gotta go la.

then saturday is the amazing race thingy.
then sunday got some gathering i think.
gosh. my work really very not done lehs. =x

2008-06-17T15:05:00.002+08:00

http://www.service-with-passion.blogspot.com/

do visit and JOIN if possible.
just a few days away from the event.
okay. shud be 4 days. totally.... hais.
ppl join pls! hahas.
not bad mah.
still got goodie bag to go along.
consider and accept the challenge okay. lol

THANKS ALOT if anyone do join it.

cuz i nver promo sth like this before.

hmmm.i just realise year by year,
my life is getting worse.
yes, bad to worse. from sec life.
its not like i made it so either.
it just happens this way.
and sometimes im thinking,
do i want to change it.
and seriously i think its just my willingness.
or tough hearted-ness.

hmmmm. forget it.
so funny for me to share these here.
hahas.

another thing, i realise my life recently is late night life, mahjong, 'work', schwork (im lying. lol. i nvr do more than half of it), slack.
realise i nvr put in eat slp and drink. and fact is i slp very little, eat very litte, drink very little!
so unhealthy!
and yes, i fell sick liao. :(

'all of a sudden' i miss my ciggs.
i know its good im not with it.
u see, i have stop for erm.. days.. hahas.
was trying to stop for long.
let see who will win.!

im a loser i think. oops
but trust me when i want to do it. ;)

2008-06-13T23:44:00.003+08:00

things arent smooth recently.
or maybe just me.

some times im glad i got this bunch of classmates,
sometimes not but u know i wun rmb.

im glad there soo much ppl ard me sometimes, not gonna name them,
though they can doo nth, at least their presence is felt.

and now, i think i got sth to last me for sometime before i die off again, very complexed but meant to be. im doing it.

just hope it will turn out fine,
but as said,
every other situation is better than what im in now.
perhaps i got nth to lose.

meanwhile, the homework are piling up.
and i have no time for it.
a 2 choose 1. u noe me. u noe me not.

2008-06-12T03:15:00.001+08:00

sometimes, its really seems i waste 19 years of oxygen.

2008-06-11T01:28:00.001+08:00

ups and downs.

2008-05-20T23:16:00.004+08:00

OH NO. i recieved letter for low attendance liao. =x
dunno is =) or =(
=) cuz, at least, week 6 or 7? then i kana this; compared to the past..
=( cuz, last sem is ending sem then i recieve!!

anyway np very cute,

Your attendance record shows that you have been missing classes lately. We are concerned about your absence from classes and urge you to improve your attendance record.

and longer.

last time is just say low attendance and stuffs.

hahahas.

hmmm. really reluctant to go sch sometimes, hahas. okay la. so far i usually is early de. except a few times when the jam is really really bad.. and.. =x i guess only wed. cuz i lagging very behind on maya!!. my brain is not 3d la. sads. give up.

but i love mondays thou its a very long day. =) tuesdays are cool too.
wed is uh-uh. then thurs is.. my low attendance la. =x but its not say the module i dun like, but, its unlucky im busy. soooo tooo bad.

anyway, my lecturers are all so cool! =D

nowadays can say sian till~ but then the short break also coming le la. not too bad. i need slp badly. hais.

hais. maya maya maya. tmr is maya and my room is sooooooooooooooo empty!!!

2008-05-12T18:58:00.002+08:00

i noe its been so long since i blogged that ppl thought my blog closed down.

anyway, 5th week of school already..
so fast, so slow.
works and assignment coming in. and i mean coming in.
alot things to do. very little time.
esp for me. hard to focus.

dun feel like talking abt other stuffs.

feeling tired. but i guess i made it myself.

2008-04-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

it broke.
it tored.
it was trampled.

wat else?

2008-04-17T22:50:00.002+08:00

im back finally after 1 month!
*guilty face

but.. dunno leh.
too busy/too lazy/too boring to update.

since last entry met ALOT problems with family.
but now, everybody give a step or sth.
MUCH MORE settled down.
and since sch open le.
hmmm.
this sem still quite 'slack'
so called.
the projects that are gg to come sure will be like big monster eat away all my time bah.
so far still ok.
just that have to wake early and get back to the go sch and telling myself dun pon sch de days.
and be more conscious of my gpa.
dont let it drop.

hmmmmmmmm.
so past le de stuffs jiu dont say le bah.
tmr is IS day. 1st lesson.
dunno will take how long. 4hours de module lehs!
zzzz. and wondering my class. -.-
hahhahas.

i got nth to update actually. just tot that one month nvr blog is very bad liddat.
hees.
take care everyone!

2008-03-17T01:11:00.000+08:00

is it bleeding?.
is it not?.
hais.

2008-03-16T00:54:00.001+08:00

time to update again.
though i seriously dun think i got wat to update.
no much life recently.
hmm. or maybe in the past too.
hmmm
but.. hmm. dunno lehs.
=)

take care everyone..

2008-03-12T10:47:00.002+08:00

wat hurts the most.
is being so close.

yawns. im gg to slp.
working this few days.
like yawns~~~
maybe later can wake up in time for hair cut.
but i still thinking.
to cut spike or leave it flat like now, like hahaha. =.="

alrite. my house is noisy.
to escape, i shall slp. =)

2008-03-11T08:53:00.001+08:00

你比重要还要更重要。

2008-03-09T00:31:00.001+08:00

ytd night i won the most bastard award again.

2008-03-05T23:04:00.003+08:00

decided to update a lil with a lil update.
since i update so little nowadays compare to the past past past very very very long ago.
life's been tiring though im slacking like dunno wat. since holiday. or rather before holiday, plus and minus abit.
overall i also dunno how say.
abit breakdown in thinking stuffs.
lazy or wat le.
nth really matters too much.
be it .. hmmm. just any aspects.
even my hair.
think i'll leave it as it is as long as i can still stand it.
yawns. im tired.
very.
its getting annoying.

2008-03-01T20:35:00.002+08:00

can someone tell me wat to do?
my brain is like stop functioning.
it apparently jammed or sth.
just like the 'colour wheel of death' appearing on a macbook.
hais.
yes, im so bored.
trying to replenish my slp.
but later in the night bet i'll go sleepless again.
hope tmr will be better.
it's time for a haircut.

chances.

2008-02-28T02:14:00.002+08:00

hais.
可怜的我。
happy one year.

and 我另一方面很不顺利
真糟糕
人笨真的没药医

大家一起祝我好运吧!

and thanks to horse for helping me!
greatly appreciated!
i owe u one.

and the rest is up to me her.

2008-02-27T19:38:00.002+08:00

压抑着某种心情，某种情绪。
感觉很复杂，但还又清楚自己想的和要的是什么。
也不知道为什么会这样。
谁可以来告诉我？

实现不了的事，最叫人遗憾。

2008-02-27T01:40:00.001+08:00

affected.

2008-02-26T01:37:00.000+08:00

impossible to be invisible.
mesmerized.
*melted*

p.s i love you?

2008-02-24T02:43:00.000+08:00

ahhhhhh.
im soooooo tired.
i shud just go to slp.
hees.
goodnight.

2008-02-22T23:27:00.002+08:00

for that 1hr i sat, and i think.
for that 2hrs, i sat, and i think.
for that whole 11 hours, i sat, and i think.
for all was, i think.
i think i need alot more thinking.
nono, its not starting or ending.
just pure need to think.
for that whole semester.

222perhapsanothermeaning.

2008-02-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

for i know i lost it.
it my part.
nono, urs.

2008-02-18T23:07:00.000+08:00

half empty?
half full?

trying.
give me time to smile.

2008-02-18T07:20:00.003+08:00

things got very much fucked up again.
even though after today i hand up the proposal is my holidays,
i dont feel a thing.

i think its my problem?.
but fuck, why?
is i dunno how to communciate?
or im really different for the things i do?
or i dun fit into this class?
or is really my classmates?
or i really not enough effort?
or i need time management lessons badly?
or wat?

compare to the past, im really putting in more effort, i really cant change too much too fast.
ive been attending school, trying to do work, trying to be nice, trying to be good. trying to do the correct things, esp at the correct time.
trying to make myself more useful, though my mouth still sprout alot nonsense.
but all the work i get and expectations, and stress i get sucks.
making me more emotional also. i think everyone hates me.
my projects, all turn out sucky. classmates have a thorn in the heart. i dunno isit true cuz its me. or just me.
photography was time consuming and bad, stboard i didnt draw nicely, anifdn is lousy, 3d art is the only okay de. though process is like.. bad again...
then now writcom give me fucking shit again. but is really cuz i din put in that much effort?. i dun undestand but i think yes, but my effort shrink also, cuz wr do too much. and that way..

im fucking stress out.
to think being really stress out when everything ends. wtf.

if anyone wanna find me, no need.
i'll be at home. no to outings until i sort out.
i need to learn how to be a proper person.

i just dont want to lose.
again.

2008-02-14T01:21:00.001+08:00

valentine's day.
single mode.

things got very much fucked up this new year.
acceptance.

you dont have to know me,
cuz u seriously dont at all.

2008-02-05T21:32:00.001+08:00

now i know what i want and what im gg to do..
or maybe im just getting definite.

trust me. its in almost all aspects.

2008-02-04T02:08:00.001+08:00

i just wanna believe what i want to believe.
u made my day.
and made me smiled
even with these nonsense in my life right now. =)